Winter
by andsoshewrites
Summary: Dr. Cox wants what he can never have. Winter by Joshua Radin. JDCox. Songfic


**Author's Notes: So this is my try at a song fic. Someone else wrote something like this, but it was much better, not a song fic, and Dr. Cox went around to all of JD's exes. This is in Dr. Cox's point of view. The song is Winter by Joshua Radin [played at Ben's funeral and a few other times throughout the show**

**Enjoy!**

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It wouldn't work out. Ever. But knowing that didn't stop the yearning.

Why?

_**I should know who I am by now**_

Why did those occasional touches drive him crazy?

His mind would wander, hoping that look meant something. Anything. But he knew it was a one sided battle.

So he told no one, of course. It was a secret between him and a tombstone of an old friend.

_**The record stands somehow**_

But he couldn't tell anyone. He couldn't mess up what he had. A wife, two kids. And he loved Jordan, honestly. He would never do anything to ruin that.

So he'd bury it. Push him away. There was no way he'd let him be the godfather to his daughter, who was already sharing his name. He was to be out of his life.

_**Your name is the splinter inside me**_

But he continually kept coming back in. An annoyance, for sure. Yet it was some how endearing.

He could suffice though. Hating the mother of his baby. Ignoring Carla's strange looks after he would 'accidentally' brush his fingers against his, then watch him walk away. Insults. Degrading.

Watching.

Honestly, it killed him seeing him with a different girl every month.

Danni had to be the worst though. They double dated. So he had to be there, seeing him happy with her. Then he had to hear them in the guest room. For a while he even thought Jordan had picked up on the jealousy, but he had covered it with anger. That was his forte.

_**I remember the sound, of your November downtown**_

Kim looked pretty solid. Even after she lied about being pregnant.

But that aside, the best thing he could do was ignore it. The dreams, the feelings, the 'what if's. Everything.

Easier said than done.

_**And I remember the truth**_

It was getting harder everyday.

"Hey, Doctor Cox?" JD looked at him with those eyes, _those god damn eyes_

"What do you want Juliana?" He snapped.

_**But I don't have to make this mistake**_

"I was wondering if you would like to get a drink with me after work." JD smiled, hopeful.

"What in the world would make you think that I would even possibly think about getting a drink with you?"

_**And I don't have to stay this way**_

JD frowned. Dr. Cox died a little more inside. "I mean, I'm glad Susan Jane that you finally hiked up that skirt of yours and gathered up all of the courage you could muster to ask out that _one guy_ you've had a crush on for years now, even though he was _way-hay_ out of your league. Honestly Marguerite, did you think he'd say yes?"

_**If only I would wake**_

Out of the corner of his eye, Dr. Cox saw the jumpsuit-wearing janitor walk past, then stop.

_**T**__**he walk has all been cleared by now**_

"Well, I just thought," Dr. Cox was so enticed by JD's lips, that he didn't even notice Jumpsuit reach out.

_**Your voice is all I**__** hear somehow**_

JD let out an 'umph' while Dr. Cox had the wind knocked out of him. His back winced at the sudden impact of floor.

_**C**__**alling out winter, your voice is the splinter inside me **_

Chests together. His face just a milimeter away. They both had stopped breathing.

_**I could've lost myself**_

His eyes wide. Gorgeous. Dr. Cox couldn't find a way to push JD off. He didn't want to. Never want to.

_**I**__**n rough blue waters in your eyes**_

Reality came back, right before lifted his head to feel the lips he wanted, needed, for so long. Always want to.

"Get the hell off me Newbie!" JD scrambled to his feet, and held out a hand for his mentor.

Dr. Cox just growled and stood up on his own. JD had pulled his hand back, his eyes on Dr. Cox, looking almost confused. Dr. Cox put a hand on his lower back and cursed the loud beating in his chest. "Go Ethal!"

"Janitor," JD muttered as he walked away.

_**A**__**nd I miss you still.**_


End file.
